Why is that those I am the closest to are the ones that I get the most angry at. Last night the boys told me that they would have some stuff done before they went to bed. During the summer they usually go to bed after Ruth and I. I got up this morning to come to work and the stuff they had said they would do was only half done. Neither had good explanations. Really though in the greater scheme of things it doesn’t really matter, but I guess we are trying to train them that when they say they will do something that they follow through. I love them, but sometimes I am dissappointed and somethings they do upset me, when I know they shouldn’t and that I will miss them daily once they move out. Not soon I hope.
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I love your site, like Phil’s blog. Good for you.
You can get most irritated with those you love the best because it is “okay”. They may get mad back, be really irritated too, but it is SAFE. It’s like little kids in day care, or kids in school: they may be perfect in the situation, but then Mom comes and they turn into little (or big) terrors. There’s safety there in the unconditional love. They DO love you, always will, too.
There’s another thing too. I always thought Phil had to be so horrible (when he was) because he was trying to separate from us, afraid it was such a loving household that he might never be able to escape, be his OWN person. It’s natural.
And remember, this too shall pass. You and RuthAnn have them so well grounded, they will grow up to be fine men. In the meantime, you just keep plugging away at what’s right. it will sink in eventually. Sometimes Phil absolutely amazes me, what a fine person he became. During the teen years, when Harry couldn’t hear enough to discipine (and Phil NEVER crossed HIM anyway, just me), Phil would go off to school, and Harry and I would take our walk, and I would VENT for the entire walk. 40 minutes of it, day after day. It was supposed to be “discussion”, “how to proceed”, but it turned into, Cynthia Vents, day after day.
So, look ahead to the week up the gorge. You can relax, read, enjoy, have quiet.
Roddy, I have lived a potential LIFETIME of disappointment and frustration with my neglectful family members… However, I’ve learned over the years not to sweat the small stuff. Too much. I think we get maddest at our kids for neglecting to do the things WE wish we had done or could do differently for ourselves. We don’t want them to suffer in the same old, familiar ways…
And surprisingly, I don’t think you’ll miss your kids daily when they’re gone. I love Van with all my heart, but I’m able to let him go off into his own life much more gracefully than I believed I could. It’s hard at first, but it gets easier after a bit.